By Breanna Xavier Carter
“Love is unique in the sense that it’s different for every person… Love does its own thing for you and its own thing for me.”
Relationship status: Single and happy
When you think of love, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
I would say the first thing is something really positive and happy. Something that’s very fulfilling, it’s intense.
Have you ever had any experiences with love? How would you describe them?
One thing that makes me feel love is music. When I hear music I feel fulfilled. Anything could be going wrong, but just hearing that, makes me feel so happy and connected with something. There’s this Kendrick Lamar song I’ve been listening to lately: it’s called R.O.T.C. The lyrics may not necessarily relate to me, but the way the song was made and how the music in the background sounds, all of the components together make me feel something crazy. If the lyrics do relate to me I feel it even more.
I’m also a person who likes to laugh a lot, so if I’m in the moment with someone and we’re just laughing about something dumb, it’s just a quick little feeling of “aw, this is nice”—that’s another fulfilling thing for me.
These are just small things I enjoy, but I think where I experience the most love is with people. It’s continuous especially in relationships and I feel like that is what it’s supposed to be. I think with my first boyfriend is where I felt it the most because I was put into a place where I was just focused on being with him in a mental, spiritual, physical state of mind all the same time. It was like there was nothing else around me, except for me and him. I didn’t feel this every single second, that’s a lot, but for the majority of the time that’s how it felt. I was able to put myself aside and just see him and feel for him, to know how he was as an individual and what his mind was like. That to me was an intense feeling. I know I am able to identify that as what it is because of my other experiences with relationships which weren’t as intense. He was someone who loved me, and I didn’t have that outside of my family.
I feel like that’s why people say love is like a drug because it’s that filling we need, ’cause without it, there’s an imbalance.
How do you define love?
Honestly, I’m still trying to figure that out. I don’t even think it’s possible to put into words. There aren’t enough words to even say what it is, or what I’m feeling and how to describe that.
Tell me about a time when you recognized the feeling of real love?
When my parents and I get into little arguments or we’re just mad at each other, it causes a disconnect between us. But once things have calmed down you realize that everything is fine. I still love them the same at the end of the day and we move on.
In your own life, what means more to you familial, romantic or friendship type of love?
I do consider familial love very important: my family is my solid foundation and means a lot to me. My parents, my siblings, my grandparents all brought me to who I am—they made sure I had a good life and that’s important. That’s a love that you can’t really replace. At the same time as I’m becoming older and more independent, my family may not always understand what I’m doing or where I’m going with my life.
When you become more on your own, you tend to prioritize different types of love more. When I’m looking to get married, my husband’s love is going to be my priority. I’m not ranking anyone, I just find certain loves are put before others as you gradually get older.
Describe a person in your life that you have love for. How did this love come about and why do you love them?
It’s myself—I wanna say God too, in a spiritual sense He is already within me. I’m an interpersonal person but a lot of time by myself and in my own thoughts. I appreciate a lot about myself, the way that I am and the way that I see things… I don’t think there’s any better feeling than to really love yourself, it’s nice because there’s not such a harsh judgement—I’m totally being me and accepting that. I don’t love myself 100%, everyone has their troubles and insecurities. But at the end of the day, I know that the God which exists inside of me loves me and it’s something you cannot replace. It’s something no one else can give you, it’s pure.
Do you choose the love that you have for yourself over everything else? If so, why?
That’s one thing that I struggle with. I love the people who are around me and I just want to see them happy all of the time, even if it affects me. There are times when a friend will be going through tough times and I just feel like I need to do something for them even though I’m sick or tired. I still feel the need to do that because I always think that if I were in their situation, it would be nice for someone to do that for me. I want to be the change that I want to see.
There are times where I feel like I love too much, when I am in need I don’t really reach out. Even when my friends can physically see that I’m not okay, they don’t know how to handle that part of me so they just reject it in a way, and that’s when I start to think: “Wow if they’re not there for me, then who is going to love me like I love them.” Suddenly I come back to myself and I realize it’s me. I feel that fulfillment knowing it’s just me at the end of the day. I’m fine with that—I’m not going to abandon or neglect myself, I’m always gonna be there with myself.
Have there ever been any negative experiences that changed your perspective on love?
My beliefs of love and how beautiful it is has still remained, because it will always be a part of my own definition of it. In my life, I’ve seen two people who love each other and then one day it just stops, it doesn’t matter the length they were together, or how much they cared for each other, something could happen in life and that’s it. That’s really been amplified to me now as a possibility in any relationship. Everybody has their chance, some people don’t, but then they find it somewhere else. Just because this happened to the two people in my life, doesn’t mean the same thing is going to happen to me, I’m just aware of the possibility.
After witnessing that, do you believe that love is everlasting and infinite?
I don’t believe that. There are people that I used love a lot whether that’s in family, friendships, dating and certain events have happened where they have left my life and hurt me, and the love kind of changes. It may still be there, but it’s not completely how it was. I don’t feel in that sense that it’s infinite because it changes, love intensifies or becomes less.
Love is …? Fill in the blank with one or two words
Love is rare. We’re all looking for love to fill an empty part of us. Love is unique in the sense that it’s different for every person. Something that one person may love is not going to be the same for the next person. Love does its own thing for you and its own thing for me.